I like all your blogs. I am new here. I am not even start write any thing yet. You are so lucky that this depression happened to you when you were young. Like you said, it changed you to be mature and to love your self and other more. It made you know the meaning of how to live your life. It prospers you for better your insight. I went to the same thing as you did. Mine, started when I was 44 years old. Well the truth is, the depression had been started since I was seven years old, and it still going until now (if I am not in the present moment). At age 44, because of depressing all my life, I got brain deseace calls Bipolar Disorder, Psychosis, and Schizophrenia. Now, I still live with anxieties, and some time, paranoid. I used these negative experiences to benefit others. I have to be gentle with my self a lot. If I can choose for these things to happen to me, I want to choose when I was young at your age or earlier. Then I can uses these negative experience to benefit others more. At age 38, I started practicing meditation. I started very seriously to cope with my depression, because I went to see many counselors, It still not help me. I thought wtih meditation I could find my sub-conscious mind to understand why I was the way I was. But, I feel that my meditation teacher play with my head that was why I lost myself, when he visited me, and after he left I became Psychosis. The reason I said that because my 14 years old boy told me that the Monk (teacher) spent time with him and send some kind of Energy toward him. My son came to me and told me about it. Normally, my son, since he was a little boy until now, he does not like to talk to me or tell me any thing if some friends hurt him or hit him. I went to ask the Monk, why he did that to my son about sending the energy? He was very mad at my question. His face turned red. And he did not talk to me. He walked away from me. The monk came visit me from another town. I let him sleep in my house. Before he came visit me, he wanted me to recruit follower for him. But, I am an introvert person. I like to teach and educate my self before I outreached others. I shared with only the person who is really interested to learn about meditation, and buddhism. I choose who is seriously want to know themselve. I think that if that person not ready, it is like to bring a horse to drink water in the river. A traveler can bring his horse to water, because he thinks that the horse is thirsty. But if the horse does not want a drink, he just starring at the river. That how I see about recruiting a person who is not ready.

I have to apologize for my writing. I am still practice how to write. I will start out by writing my feeling on the internet here. I also lost my memories since 2004 when I started my illness. My memories starts getting better little by little since 2008.
Well I have to go for now. Thank you for sharing your blog. It made me have a chance to share my struggle with others.

Thank you for taking time to write this article, I have found it very useful.

I’m 27 but a recent set of life circumstances has meant that I chose to quit my (very well paying) job because it was the only thing keeping me in another unacceptable situation where I was living.

I have worked pretty much since since I was at college and all during university so I’ve suddenly inherited this enormous “time vacuum” that I’m finding hard to fill.

Part of me feels that now is the perfect time to do something else, develop my website or make other changes but I do rather get the feeling of being *stuck* because I can’t see it leading anywhere.

@Juan: I agree with you about the antidepressants, but I would also consider getting advice from a trained professional if you feel /really/ bad.

I am definitely not an expect on medications, but have been on them a few times.
The side effects are a bit crappy from even the more selective medications (Though these have to be considered alongside the benefits).

Also, they are sometimes necessary (Some people can get /really/ low) but only really intended as a stop gap (6 months – year) to make you strong enough to make the changes that you’ve felt unable to because you’ve felt so low.

Furthermore, it is very easy when you are on them to forget what it was like off them and coming off them needs to be done real careful and under advice

I’ve been off perscribed antidepressants for almost a year now, but I’m going to try something herbal like St. Johns Wort as I’ve read a lot of people who say it has helped them.

Thank you again Myrko I find your blog very helpful.

No, I don’t have this feeling about an depression in the background any more. But I had it for years. I finally overcame it about 3 years ago completely. It was a long process of improving gradually.

It is ok to have this feeling now, since it is there. There is now need to beat you up for it, but you need to keep the will to improve and you can know, that it is possible and will happen. One thing that I realised: the state of depression is completely unnatural. I mean in the most positive and inspiring way, because we are not meant to be depressed. It is changable, you must always believe in this, even if you don’t feel it at the moment.

There is a reason for a depression and it can be found. Once you have found it you can eliminate it, or accept and reinterprete it if it is really not to eliminate. Reinterpreting it then can become an empowering source.

I think the depression is also a very valuable thing to grow from. When things become stressful again, that’s basically a challenge and chance to grow, to master yourself and life and find the love for it inside. Maybe it helped me also to develop my Inside-Out approach to life and to find the energy and power there. That’s a chance for sure.

What also helped me tremendously was to look what this is teaching me? What is there to learn. I know that it is hard if you are in the depressive state, because nothing makes sense or gets you going. That’s ok for the moment. It will and has to change – it’s the nature of things, they change from good to bad and vice versa.
So as I wrote in the post, I learned to get totally self-responsible and self-determined. There are benefits in even such hard times. Especially in hard times. What is there to learn? A new experience, new insights and new ways to master the task of life. How can you take that little opportunity and build on it?

It’s also good to know what triggered the depression. I learned that it can be triggered biologically, but it seems to me that it is mostly triggered psychologically. Depression often seems to be learned helplessness – a situation where you can’t get control over (as you think) and feel helpless. In my case it was the assumed terminal illness approaching in my brain, and nobody did anything about it – I was clearly helpless. I had to convince myself, that this terminal illness is not real and that symptoms have other, controllable reasons. Anxiety attacks and so on – for me – were only by-products then. From the day on I had the results of the computer tomography I got back on track. So it helps to find reasons of this learned helplessness and change them.

I used some anti-depressiva but it took at least 3-6 month to feel any small effect. In general I believe they are helpful, but it is much more important how you manage and fight within yourself. I never look for an outside fix, the “fix” comes from within.

So also if you (or anybody with a depressive disorder) don’t feel like it, hang in there because change has to happen and you can benefit from this experience on many levels.

Of course I can only talk from an experience I had and mastered myself, it’s not any professional advice. But if you (anybody) want to tell or ask anything, don’t hesitate.

Kim, I learned that there are many people with similar stories. It is really amazing how many people shared similar personal stories with me. After all, depression is not uncommon: “Approximately 18.8 million American adults, or about 9.5 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year, have a depressive disorder.” – http://www.depression-guide.com/depression-statistics.htm

Davina, depression seems still to be unterrated. First there is the possible misconception that it is the same thing as a bad mood. Secondly it is just, that you cannot possibly imagine the state if you was never in it. It is very, very without meaning, energy and joy. In that way it is almost like the experience of spirituality, I had a hard time explaining that, too – although that’s on the opposite side of the spectrum of consciousness and very positive and energizing :)

Brian, it is a fact the we learn the most from negative experiences (or failures). You can learn from positive experiences, but learning from negatives ones comes more naturally it seems. Unfortunately ;)

Flora, I like to add to the note about responsibility for ourselves: the whole experience, which took several years, really removed the belief that there is someone taking care of me, other than me. To say that you are the only person who is responsible to help you is a pretty harsh statement, but in the end it is true. It may be nice or we are lucky if there are people in our lives that do and CAN take care, but you can’t count on it. The only person you must count on is yourself. That’s what I learned in this situation.

Aaron, I am certainly thankful for the lessons it taught me. It really helped me to mature. Maybe it even had a spiritual component to it, which at this time I could not discover.

Aaron

Thank you so much for the courage to tell us about a very painful, but powerful time in your life.

Your story resonated with me on several levels.

1. We must never forget that only we are responsible for our lives.

Even though we are not medical doctors or psychiatrists, we are the only ones who can measure the severity and intensity of our body and mind sensations. For this reason we must educate ourselves so that we can be activate participants in our diagnosis and treatment.

I’ve experienced driving anxiety twice in my life that was so bad that I spent hours planning my route before going anywhere, trying to avoid the freeway mainly. When on the freeway I started to feel lightheaded and felt like all the traffic around me was going to fast. Living in a car culture in So. California, this dictated the course of life for over a year.

To make matters worse, I was also anxious when I was a passenger in a car as well.

My first visit to a doctor convinced me that she wasn’t going to be any help. She prescribed a medication that had a warning: Do not operate heavy equipment or vehicles while taking this medication.

So, like you, I was on my own to find a proper diagnosis and solution.

2. Everything that happens has a seed of positive change.

It’s the efforts we put forth to rise above and work through our problems that strengthens us.

It sure is hard to see it this way when you’re in the throes of pain, anxiety, depression of any other debilitating condition. But it’s true nonetheless.

Thanks again for your self-disclosure. It means a lot as part of my own self-growth.

Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D.´s last blog post: One Small Thing, One Monumental Moment

Wow, you went through quite a bit my friend. It is uplifting to see that you grew from your depression. Learning from troubled times makes us stronger. I will take your three lesson learned to heart.

Thanks for posting this…

Brian

One Love